NEW YORK!!!

Then he bit me!

SO MUCH TO SAY!

Oh, 319am

I'll try a quick version.

Also, I'm going to put out a disclaimer: PG16 rating. 13 may be too low. I'm not getting graphic, I'm just not sure I'd want Breanna reading it so I'm raising the age. Whatever. It's my journal. I do what I want!

Read at own risk.

Last Thursday I stayed the night at David's because I had my art history exam the next morning and it would be the last time I'd see him for a couple days.

We watched Burn After Reading, which was crappy. Don't see it. We spent the rest of the night kissing. Literally like five straight hours until I had to get up to get ready for the exam.

It never once got boring and we never once got tired. We'd change things up, like switch spots, adjusted the way we were lying, change the way we kissed, etc.

Learned a lot about what he likes and what I like. At one point I moved down and started kissing his jaw bone, his ear, his neck and the top of his chest. He absolutely loved that. Then after a bit, he did the same to me, which I already knew I'd love. Then he bit me! Oh Lord! It was nice and slow but hard, yet still somehow gentle. It drove me crazy! I couldn't get enough. I responded very well to that and he took notice. I have three marks on my neck still and that was six days ago...

N E waaaayyyy..... it was a very. very. good night. We both had a very hard time with me leaving that morning. It's like we couldn't let go. We hugged forever it seemed but not near long enough. Damn. That boy and the things he does to me.

Disclaimer off.

Hm, I should probably talk about him a bit. I haven't done much of that yet. Him, not the things we do.

He's so cute and sweet all the time, I just love it. In that saved journal I made, I posted some of the things he's said already. I just couldn't resist; they made me happy :)

David can help me in a lot of ways. He's building up my confidence, for one. My self esteem is still completely shattered, but he's helping piece it back together.

He is also more of a listener, just like me. We talked about this the other day. We dubbed it a good thing that neither of us talk too much because we can help each other get better at the whole conversation thing-being more of a part of it rather than just a listener.

I'm learning how to be more... independent while having a boyfriend because of him as well. Yes, we tend to talk everyday, but it's not all day. And when we're together and with people, we don't constantly hold hands or each other (I think I've brought up that point before). I'm learning to not rely on him like I have past boyfriends. Now when it's just him and me or we're watching a movie or something, he'll hold me and rub my hand or arm or whatnot. But every thing's completely relaxed outside of that. It's a refreshing change.

He leads a whole different world than I do, and he's introducing me to it. He's teaching me to play all these classic video games like Super Smash and Starcraft. I've watched my brother play games like these all my life but he'd never let me. It's cool actually playing them for once. Also, David's a good student. He studies! Gasp! He also works on drawing and digital stuff before the day before it's due. Being around this, even before we started dating, has helped me to do that too.

So basically he's making me a better person, I love being around him and talking to him, he drives me crazy physically, and I like him more and more every day. Not much more I could ask for.

So I'm happy now and I'm loving life, but I'm still very detached it seems. Everyone seems to be closer friends to me than I am to them. That probably didn't make a lot of sense. Example: Erin-Matt's girlfriend, Erin-came up to campus last Sunday. I only saw her and Matt for like a minute and I really only said hi to Matt. I was with a group of people and was kind of focused on something else so I didn't think anything of it. Anyway, I'd only met her once. We'd gone to a party at Sig Chi the Friday before with Matt, David, and Sam-and later many other people- and were together all night. But I still didn't really get to know her much I thought. Turns out, she was almost offended I didn't like strike up a conversation with her or hug her like I did Matt. She thought we'd become fast friends. Which is fine! I don't mean that in a bad way, I just felt like I hardly even know her. Matt had an example too. He made a joke one day to David while I was there about doing something or another sexual to me. He justified after that it was okay to say that because of the friend clause-meaning because we were good friends before David and I started dating, he's allowed to say stuff like that. Good friends. I hadn't realized we'd gotten that close either. Since then, yeah, because I've been with him almost every day save New York. But I didn't think us so close before. Even with David. He's already farther into the relationship than I am. He's liked me longer and all that. I didn't even notice him for a long time. He was just kind of always there.

It's just...a strange feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching my life rather than living it. I don't feel a whole lot very often. I hope it changes soon. I'm thinking it's more of a habit than anything else. I went through these last six months pretty much in a daze. I tried not to feel as much as possible so it wouldn't hurt. I guess I'm having a difficult time turning that switch off now.

Quite.

403am

DAVID ASKED ME OUT LAST NIGHT!

It was so freaking cute. I was having a shitty day-it was all little things but nothing seemed to be going right. And Sam just kept hounding me about EVERYTHING! So I lost it at dinner. I grabbed my jacket and walked outside and sat down. I figured I'd cool down before everyone was finished and came out.

Then suddenly, David was sitting next to me :) He asked if I was alright and I told him I was just really frustrated and Sam sent me over the edge. We talked about other random things after that until people came out. They were all concerned--which was super sweet and made me happy.

Everyone was going every which way-back to the dorms, off to by beer, grabbing whatever from DAAP, etc. So I asked David if he wanted to go on a walk.

We walked to places around campus neither of us had ever really been to-the alley behind subway, the library balcony, and all over Sigma Sigma Commons. We sat on what looked like a staircase but was actually a turned off fountain and after a while moved to the mound. We stood on top for a long time, talking, watching cars run stop signs, looking at the lights and the lack of stars, watching the torch change colors. I had my back to him most of that time and he had his arms wrapped around me. Twas so lovely :)

It had been at least a half hour when I turned to him and suggested we leave-we had people and alcohol waiting for us at the dorms. He still had his arms around me but I was facing him now. We stared at one another for maybe a minute and then he smiled and leaned down to kiss me. I could have died right there, it was incredible! That boy can kiss! I was rather impressed. He's always seemed so timid, but hey, I'm quite alright with how things turned out. Quite.

I stayed the night with him. It was wonderful. We watched a rather crappy movie, but it was nice to be with him. Then we talked and kissed until 6something in the morning, woke up at 10 until 11 doing the same thing, then woke up again at 2 and talked and kissed until Matt came in at 3.

Some of the things he said just lit up my night. Like how life couldn't be more perfect-lying next to a beautiful girl wearing his chainmaille and talking about his two favorite shows. Or how for the past week, every night after I dropped him off, he'd swat at the air in frustration as I drove away because he didn't make a move.

He held me all night tonight too while we watched the movies. It makes me so giddy. I've seen him for like half the day everyday at least for the last three or four weeks. It's going to be weird not seeing him for the next four days while I'm in New York...

Booo... :(

I only stopped then because NO ONE WAS THERE!

414am

I really don't even know what to say.

Words cannot properly express how happy I am now.

I cried tonight. I was watching a show and everything was working out for them after one load of crap after another was dumped on them. Tears streamed from my eyes.

But it was such a happy cry. I cannot even remember the last time I did that. The tears were warm and nice and I could not stop smiling. I loved it.

I'm not on here near as much anymore. I don't have time. I don't get home from school most nights until around 3.

I've spent almost every day and night with David these past three weeks. Everything about him makes me so happy: his carefree attitude, the goofy things he does, his cat impression, his silly smiles, how he's always willing to go anywhere with me, and everything else.

Like today: he was taking the inside path to DAAP and I was taking the outside path to Daniel's. He knocked on the window to get my attention and smiled and waved to me. I couldn't stop smiling until I got to the dorms. I only stopped then because NO ONE WAS THERE! But then David asked me to come meet him at center court just moments later. :) Completely made my day.

That is, until we were watching Zombieland and he wrapped his arm around my stomach and pulled me towards him. Then that made my day.

But that was one upped again when he held my hand as he walked me across campus to my car at 2am. He'd never grabbed my hand before. Or held it for that matter. I almost lost it with excitement right there.

See, the thing with David, he's different than most boys I've been with. And I am SO FREAKING GLAD FOR THAT! This is EXACTLY what I need.

David is shy and timid until he knows you very well. It's strange, I've been working on getting him for only three weeks. It feels like a month at the very least! I guess that's what happens when you see him everyday for at least twelve hours...

Relationship-wise, he has a reputation for putting minimal effort in it and keeping it much like just friends, but with the little differences. So he's not going to be holding my hand all the time or always holding me and such. But that is so much what I want; that easy relationship. The kind where we can play Starcraft and Super Smash or watch movies together for fun instead of only being physical. And we truly watch the movies. I just love his comments throughout them. :) Some things I do like that he still does is that he always walks next to me, either sits next to or directly across from me at meals, and if we're sitting, he's always touching me in some way (feet, legs, arms, hand, whatever).

Now, we are not dating, but I hope to God we will and I'm a lot more sure now that he wants to too. I'm just not sure he has the courage to ask me, haha. Too bad! I'm not doing it! He better suck it up and do it already. :)

We act like we are a lot of the time. We're alone a lot of the time, plus the things about sitting, walking, and contact I said before. He always finds an excuse for me to come up to school too, thank goodness. 1, I get to see him :) 2, I get to see everyone else. 3, I'm not home. Full. Of. Win.

It's really great. I hear songs on the radio now and don't instantly think of Brandon. I don't necessarily think of David, because I'm not in love with him, but I can actually listen to music again. You have no idea what that means to me.

It's not just David either. Everything just seemed to get so much better. I absolutely love every one of my friends at school and I'm so close to every one of them. All my projects turned out great for class and I'm hardly ever home to hear about anything bad here. AND I'M LEAVING FOR NEW YORK THIS FRIDAY!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!

Sad story though- I'm actually going to miss seeing everyone at school. It's weird, missing people. I can't even pull myself away from them for one night this week to hang out with my home friends because I know I won't see them for four days. How sad is that? You can definitely tell where my priorities lie.

They're just such better friends than my home friends have ever been in general. But let's not get into that. Happy time, remember? :D

Ah, well I should try to sleep. I have to be up at school tomorrow around 230 :) Can't wait! :D

Love you! Night!

443am

PS-I decided for this 'blog' I guess--though I hate calling it that--I'm going to make the titles a random line from the entry. It may not make sense, but that's the fun of it!

Sorry, I looked over at him.

532am

Another all nighter!

So David is sitting next to me. And I'm wearing his jacket. *is happy!*

Today was fun! Kate and I spun rifle and sabre while David and Brian juggled. Twas a blast and a half.

I had OM regionals Saturday. I miss it so much.

That night I went to Zoe's. I told David and Robert's brother about my depression.... Not sure if that was good or not.

:) David's so cute. --Sorry, I looked over at him.

Anyway, not a lot to say. Welcome to the new journal! ;D