Then he bit me!

SO MUCH TO SAY!

Oh, 319am

I'll try a quick version.

Also, I'm going to put out a disclaimer: PG16 rating. 13 may be too low. I'm not getting graphic, I'm just not sure I'd want Breanna reading it so I'm raising the age. Whatever. It's my journal. I do what I want!

Read at own risk.

Last Thursday I stayed the night at David's because I had my art history exam the next morning and it would be the last time I'd see him for a couple days.

We watched Burn After Reading, which was crappy. Don't see it. We spent the rest of the night kissing. Literally like five straight hours until I had to get up to get ready for the exam.

It never once got boring and we never once got tired. We'd change things up, like switch spots, adjusted the way we were lying, change the way we kissed, etc.

Learned a lot about what he likes and what I like. At one point I moved down and started kissing his jaw bone, his ear, his neck and the top of his chest. He absolutely loved that. Then after a bit, he did the same to me, which I already knew I'd love. Then he bit me! Oh Lord! It was nice and slow but hard, yet still somehow gentle. It drove me crazy! I couldn't get enough. I responded very well to that and he took notice. I have three marks on my neck still and that was six days ago...

N E waaaayyyy..... it was a very. very. good night. We both had a very hard time with me leaving that morning. It's like we couldn't let go. We hugged forever it seemed but not near long enough. Damn. That boy and the things he does to me.

Disclaimer off.

Hm, I should probably talk about him a bit. I haven't done much of that yet. Him, not the things we do.

He's so cute and sweet all the time, I just love it. In that saved journal I made, I posted some of the things he's said already. I just couldn't resist; they made me happy :)

David can help me in a lot of ways. He's building up my confidence, for one. My self esteem is still completely shattered, but he's helping piece it back together.

He is also more of a listener, just like me. We talked about this the other day. We dubbed it a good thing that neither of us talk too much because we can help each other get better at the whole conversation thing-being more of a part of it rather than just a listener.

I'm learning how to be more... independent while having a boyfriend because of him as well. Yes, we tend to talk everyday, but it's not all day. And when we're together and with people, we don't constantly hold hands or each other (I think I've brought up that point before). I'm learning to not rely on him like I have past boyfriends. Now when it's just him and me or we're watching a movie or something, he'll hold me and rub my hand or arm or whatnot. But every thing's completely relaxed outside of that. It's a refreshing change.

He leads a whole different world than I do, and he's introducing me to it. He's teaching me to play all these classic video games like Super Smash and Starcraft. I've watched my brother play games like these all my life but he'd never let me. It's cool actually playing them for once. Also, David's a good student. He studies! Gasp! He also works on drawing and digital stuff before the day before it's due. Being around this, even before we started dating, has helped me to do that too.

So basically he's making me a better person, I love being around him and talking to him, he drives me crazy physically, and I like him more and more every day. Not much more I could ask for.

So I'm happy now and I'm loving life, but I'm still very detached it seems. Everyone seems to be closer friends to me than I am to them. That probably didn't make a lot of sense. Example: Erin-Matt's girlfriend, Erin-came up to campus last Sunday. I only saw her and Matt for like a minute and I really only said hi to Matt. I was with a group of people and was kind of focused on something else so I didn't think anything of it. Anyway, I'd only met her once. We'd gone to a party at Sig Chi the Friday before with Matt, David, and Sam-and later many other people- and were together all night. But I still didn't really get to know her much I thought. Turns out, she was almost offended I didn't like strike up a conversation with her or hug her like I did Matt. She thought we'd become fast friends. Which is fine! I don't mean that in a bad way, I just felt like I hardly even know her. Matt had an example too. He made a joke one day to David while I was there about doing something or another sexual to me. He justified after that it was okay to say that because of the friend clause-meaning because we were good friends before David and I started dating, he's allowed to say stuff like that. Good friends. I hadn't realized we'd gotten that close either. Since then, yeah, because I've been with him almost every day save New York. But I didn't think us so close before. Even with David. He's already farther into the relationship than I am. He's liked me longer and all that. I didn't even notice him for a long time. He was just kind of always there.

It's just...a strange feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching my life rather than living it. I don't feel a whole lot very often. I hope it changes soon. I'm thinking it's more of a habit than anything else. I went through these last six months pretty much in a daze. I tried not to feel as much as possible so it wouldn't hurt. I guess I'm having a difficult time turning that switch off now.